I Like ‘Big Data’ and I Cannot Lie: Our Favourite SQL Jokes, Puns and Memes

We asked for your best data jokes and wow, did you deliver! Here are just a few of our top picks in anticipation of SQLBits 2022. (Because And what would this blog be if I didn’t include a selection of dad jokes? But where do I keep all my dad jokes? In a dadabase! – @gregmckinnell) 

We’ll start with the most popular catch of the day by Mr. Beard himself – Rob Sewell!  

Q: What does a shark and a database have in common? 

Come on.. take a guess! Ok, ok. I’ll tell you! 

A: They both have megabites!  

Oh, you’re so clever. Oh, you’re so innovative. When will you stop coming up with such brilliance? Fine, he (@sqldbawithbeard) really does pull it out of the bag on this next one…  

Q: Can you tell the make of my laptop?

A. it’s a-Dell! 

Which was accompanied by a wonderful video of Rob showing off his DELL Laptop covered in stickers with the beautiful sounds of Adele over the top – love it!

Honestly, this joke takes the cake for today! Yet there were so many more absolutely classic puns that followed Rob’s lead. I tried my own song-and-tech joke but it didn’t quite go down as well… 

Q: Would you like to see my database of some of the worst songs? 

A: It’s called a CarDB!  

Badum tsssss…. Get it? Cardi B? I made myself laugh… but not anyone else. 

Swiftly moving on then! We had an excellent joke from Barney, (@SQLBarney) are you ready for it? 

Q: Why did IKEA fire all their DBA’s? 

A: Because they kept on dropping tables! 

There are so many table-dropping jokes that go around, and they are still as good every time I hear one. Want another?  

Q: Why do you never ask SQL people to help you move your furniture? 

A: They sometimes drop the tables ? 

Next up we had some more DBA-related memes…  

Things you never want to hear from your DBA: 

….. ‘Uh oh’ (@Hugo_Kornelis) 

Q: What’s the difference between God and a DBA? 

A: God doesn’t think he’s a DBA! ? 

Feel free to check out the rest of the absolutely amazing tweets we got in response on our Twitter: @SQLBits