22-25 April 2026 
SQLBits 2014
Revenge: The SQL!
Are you a frustrated DBA? Ready to snap? Before you do, come see Revenge: The SQL! and learn a kinder, gentler form of vengeance.
Pop quiz DBA: Your developers are running rampant in production. Logic, reason, and threats have all failed. You're on the edge. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?
Hint: You attend Revenge: The SQL!
This session will show you how to "correct" all those bad practices. Everyone logging in as sa? Running huge cursors? Using SELECT * and ad-hoc SQL? Stop them dead, without actually killing them. Ever dropped a table, or database, or WHERE clause? You can prevent that! And if you’re tired of folks ignoring your naming conventions, make them behave with Unicode…and take your revenge!
Revenge: The SQL! is fun and educational and may even have some practical use, but you’ll want to attend simply to indulge your Dark Side. Revenge: The SQL! assumes no liability and is not available in all 50 states. Do not taunt Revenge: The SQL! or Happy Fun Ball.
Hint: You attend Revenge: The SQL!
This session will show you how to "correct" all those bad practices. Everyone logging in as sa? Running huge cursors? Using SELECT * and ad-hoc SQL? Stop them dead, without actually killing them. Ever dropped a table, or database, or WHERE clause? You can prevent that! And if you’re tired of folks ignoring your naming conventions, make them behave with Unicode…and take your revenge!
Revenge: The SQL! is fun and educational and may even have some practical use, but you’ll want to attend simply to indulge your Dark Side. Revenge: The SQL! assumes no liability and is not available in all 50 states. Do not taunt Revenge: The SQL! or Happy Fun Ball.
Speakers
Rob Volk's previous sessions
Thats So Metadata: Discover Your Database From the Inside
Learn about the metadata features in SQL Server that describe your database and how they can make documentation, tuning, and maintenance much easier.
Tame Your Unruly Data...With Constraints!
Is your data badly behaved and embarrassing you? Are you tired of cleaning up its messes? Constraints can help you straighten out your wayward data and put it on the right path before it gets into too much trouble.
Revenge: The SQL!
Are you a frustrated DBA? Ready to snap? Before you do, come see Revenge: The SQL! and learn a kinder, gentler form of vengeance.
Lego Sets: Relational Building Blocks
Introductory Relational Theory Using Lego Bricks to Model Data and Set Operations